Inertia

It is unseasonably mild today. The soggy weather suits my soggy disposition. I always find it hard to let Christmas go. We are two days past the traditional un-trimming day and you'd think it was Christmas Eve on Princess Avenue. The lights still twinkle on the perfectly trimmed (albeit somewhat needle-less) tree. There are candle-lights in every window and at sundown the multi-coloured exterior Christmas lights beam festively with no inkling of their own timeliness passed.

Last year, we got drunk and undecorated, that was fun....no such opportunity has presented itself this year. I can't decipher if it is emotional resistance, or laziness... maybe both...emotional laziness. Although that sounds more like a condition where you are too lazy to feel anything.
I think I am postponing the post Christmas blahs... although staring at the wilting tree is not really lifting my spirits... its just a sorry reminder of all the work left to be done.

Or maybe its about dieting!!!! As long as it looks like Christmas I can keep eating like it is Christmas, as soon as the decorations come down I have to admit the holidays are over and commit to my resolution....lose 20lbs for a family wedding July 4th.

I thought the New Year would bring in a sense of purpose and renewal.... a clean piece of paper on which to form the future...... maybe that is my problem, I have grandiose expectations, impossible.... like winning the lottery, huge and wondrous things will happen as long as I sit here and wait patiently....still waiting, 2o lbs heavier, much more in debt.... maybe my resolution should be about self determination. Working towards becoming more active in shaping my life, practically, physically, financially..... but My God, it sounds like so much work..... would I really feel more fulfilled if I stepped up and took charge..... or would I just feel more exhausted.

I think I'll curl up on the couch with a bag of chips and a workout video and mull it over.